What do you think of when you hear the word โnoโ?
Letโs go back in time for a second: youโre 6 years old and you hear the all too familiar tinkling music coming from the road outside โ itโs himโฆ itโs the ice cream man! You race to your Mum to beg her for a โ99p twistโ and what does she say? โNo.โ Cue tantrum.
Weโre sorry if that analogy has left you mourning the chilling memory of ice creams that could have been (do you see what we did there?). The point is that we, from a young age, learn to associate the word โnoโ with negativity, rejection and denial. These connotations therefore make it hard for some of us to say it, especially at work.
But why is this? There are many reasons why a person may not say no, even when they want to. Some people are pathological people pleasers; they will do anything to make others happy, or be liked, even if itโs to their detriment. Fear of rejection is also a common reason; most people want to be accepted by their friends, family or peers and think that saying โnoโ to them may harm their personal or professional relationships. Others simply fear the consequences of saying โnoโ, they feel that they will miss out on something or regret doing so.
However, as we get older and wiser we can start to see the benefits of โnoโ. โNoโ can protect us from the consequences of โyesโ; constantly agreeing to things when you shouldnโt can really drag you down. Try not to see saying no as closing the door on an opportunity, it simply makes way for the right ones. If you turn a task down, that should leave you with the energy, time and motivation to generate better results with the tasks you are already working on.
โFocusing is about saying noโ โ Steve Jobs, 1997
At work, if your in-tray is fit to burst, your phone is ringing off the hook and your Manager asks you to take on a new project, you say yes. Despite how organised, enthusiastic and committed you may be, taking on too much, could cause some things to fall by the wayside. Even if youโre normally โon the ballโ, you may have to compromise the quality of your work. You know your limits and capabilities so trust your gut if you feel like a sincere but firm โnoโ is in order. Many of us strive to be the best we can be at work, contrary to what you may believe, saying โyesโ too often may in fact hinder this.
It would be understandable to be concerned about turning things down having a negative impact on your work life. However, a good Manager and understanding colleagues will acknowledge that you canโt do everything โ youโre only human! So, itโs not so much about what you say, but how you say it. If we go back to the above scenario, but you simply cannot take on any further work โ โNo, canโt you see how busy I am?! Ask someone else!โ is a response that is likely to ruffle feathers.
The best way is to be tactful and open; say that you would love to help, but politely tell your Manager that you have a lot to do at present and ask if there is something else they would be happy for you to put to one side for now to allow you to take on this new task. This way you can negotiate and your Manager can see what work you currently have; they can help you prioritise if necessary. They may realise that you are already hard at work on important tasks, and acknowledge that it would be counter-productive to add to your โto-do listโ. Either way, you wonโt find yourself under any additional pressure, and you have said โnoโ in the best and most professional way possible. Prioritising whatโs important at work will allow you to continue being the great employee and asset you are! If someone has considered you in particular for an opportunity you have turned down, remember to thank them for thinking of you, as they clearly trust in your abilities!
The more you start to say no, the more comfortable you will get in doing so. WARNING: donโt fall into the trap of saying no every time you simply donโt want to do something. Itโs an obligation of adult life, we will always have to do things we donโt want to, but there may be benefits in the long-run. Itโs therefore important to make sure that you weigh up the pros and cons of saying yes or no. If you have time to do something, without sacrificing or missing out on something else that will really benefit you, then it might be best to do it.
Letโs say that Josh from the Sales Team needs help with a project heโs working on; you may not particularly want to, but youโve finished your important tasks for the day and you know it wonโt take too long. The cons are that you will have a little more work to do than you anticipated. The pros are that you will build a good relationship with this colleague (and theyโre more likely to help you out in the future) and you might learn something and it shows you in a good light to your superiors. The benefits will make you glad you said yes. Whereas, you may feel a little differently if you say yes to dog-sitting your friendโs sisterโs boyfriendโs Labradoodle for the week whilst your best mates enjoy a once-in-a-lifetime holiday in Mexico.
Donโt feel pressured if someone wonโt take no for an answer, stick to your guns; if theyโre being pushy, be just as pushy back. As long as you are polite and keep things light-hearted, this shouldnโt cause a confrontation. In fact, if you stand your ground, itโs likely that youโll earn a lot of respect for doing so. Also, remember that this is your time and your life; youโre not obliged to provide an in-depth reason for your decision. Weโre all guilty of conjuring an elaborate white lie when we want to get out of something (โI need to take my Great Aunty Mabel to the elbow doctorโ), but there really is no need; this only adds pressure and stress, leaves you open to consternation and your lie may collapse under scrutiny. A simple โNo, Iโm afraid I canโt/donโt have timeโ should suffice and if you want to give a genuine reason, then keep it short and to the point.
Overall, you can make positive changes to your life by remembering that saying yes or no is your choice. Donโt fall victim to the burden of obligation; when youโre presented with an opportunity itโs in your power, no one elseโs!
The decisions that you make need to be whatโs best for you, so itโs time to learn to respect your own time, wants and needs by learning to say no.
Soโฆ What do you say? Yes or no?
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